{"id":130669,"date":"2023-09-21T02:59:15","date_gmt":"2023-09-21T02:59:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bluemull.com\/?p=130669"},"modified":"2023-09-21T02:59:15","modified_gmt":"2023-09-21T02:59:15","slug":"psychologist-claims-secret-to-happy-marriage-is-being-able-to-date","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bluemull.com\/lifestyle\/psychologist-claims-secret-to-happy-marriage-is-being-able-to-date\/","title":{"rendered":"Psychologist claims secret to happy marriage is being able to date"},"content":{"rendered":"
A psychologist has revealed that the secret to her thriving marriage is being able to see other people.<\/p>\n
Dr Lori Beth Bisbey had previously been in a monogamous marriage until she discovered that the key to a successful relationship – at least as far as she is concerned – was dating around.\u00a0<\/p>\n
The 60-year-old, who is from the US but now lives in Scotland, explained how she\u00a0changed her relationship style when she realized that she was bisexual and didn’t want to ‘give up a large part of [her] sexuality’ by being committed to just one person.<\/p>\n
She has now opened up about how she navigates the lifestyle with her husband, 66, who she has been with\u00a0for 14 and a half years – and married to for just under nine.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Dr Lori Beth Bisbey had previously been in a monogamous marriage until she discovered that the key to a successful relationship was dating around\u00a0<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
She has now opened up about how she navigates the lifestyle with her husband, 66, who she has been with for 14 and a half years – and married to for just under nine\u00a0<\/p>\n
Lori Beth and her husband both identify as polyamorous – meaning that a person can engage in more than one committed romantic relationship at the same time.<\/p>\n
Speaking about her marriage, she said:\u00a0‘We both were non-monogamous when we got together and agreed that was how our relationship would be run.<\/p>\n
‘We both love it as we get more needs met, have wider support and more places of joy.<\/p>\n
‘We were together for five years before we were married and have had other relationships throughout. I have two other long-term relationships.’<\/p>\n
Lori Beth continued:\u00a0‘We meet people in the course of daily life. Neither of us spends time on dating apps. We have gone to events that are sex- and relationship-positive and met people there.<\/p>\n
‘If I am at a sex-positive event, people talk freely about their relationship status (and I do as well). Otherwise, it is really not different than how you approach someone if you are interested in them.<\/p>\n
‘The only real challenge is finding time for multiple relationships – it’s been especially hard to get together with partners after Covid.\u00a0<\/p>\n
‘We have relationships that are transatlantic and travel has become more expensive and more complicated,’ she explained.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The 60-year-old, who is from the US but now lives in Scotland, explained how she changed her relationship style when she realized that she was bisexual\u00a0<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
‘We meet people in the course of daily life. Neither of us spends time on dating apps. We have gone to events that are sex and relationship-positive and met people there,’ she explained<\/p>\n
1. Work on yourself: Make sure you are confident. Deal with triggers. Practice emotional skills.<\/p>\n
2. Do not try to open up if your relationship is rocky. Opening up will not save a poor relationship, it will make it worse.<\/p>\n
3. Be clear about what you want your non-monogamy to look like – is it sexual only? Are you only getting involved together? Are you looking for someone to live with you?<\/p>\n
4. Negotiate clear boundaries and rules together. Be prepared to revisit these regularly. Keep talking.<\/p>\n
5. Don’t choose a threesome for your first experience. It is too easy for someone to feel left out during a threesome. Foursomes are easier and make it more likely everyone will feel included.<\/p>\n
The only rule that Lori Beth and her husband have when it comes to dating others is that they can ‘veto’ the relationship, which she admits can be contentious.\u00a0<\/p>\n
‘Though it is controversial, we do have a veto rule because of the structure we agreed in our relationship.\u00a0<\/p>\n
‘Otherwise, we practice safe sex and see consent as the key to establishing safety,’ she said.<\/p>\n
Opening up about how they navigate any potential jealousy in their relationship, she said that in her experience, jealousy comes from one of two places in non-monogamy.<\/p>\n
Lori Beth, who is an accredited gender, sex and relationship diversity therapist, added: ‘In my professional experience, jealousy arises from insecurity about yourself and feeling insecure about your place in the relationship.<\/p>\n
‘My husband and I are both secure about ourselves and about our place in our relationship so we don’t really experience jealousy.\u00a0<\/p>\n
‘We experience envy sometimes.<\/p>\n
‘For example, if I am working and don’t get the opportunity to go and have fun, but he can.\u00a0<\/p>\n
‘Or if I travel somewhere he would have liked to go with another partner.<\/p>\n
‘We spend time talking about the feelings, allowing safe expression.\u00a0<\/p>\n
‘Then we will look and see if any behavior needs to change,’ she explained.<\/p>\n
But Lori isn’t the only dating coach who is an advocate of polyamory.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Dr Tara Suwinyattichaiporn is one of the sex experts featured on reality show Celebs Go Dating.\u00a0<\/p>\n
She has been in a three-year relationship with artist Brent Estabrook and both are allowed to sleep with others as long as they abide by the strict rules they have set in place.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
But Lori isn’t the only dating coach who is an advocate of polyamory as Dr Tara Suwinyattichaiporn is also a fan<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
She has been in a three-year relationship with artist Brent Estabrook and both are allowed to sleep with others as long as they abide by the strict rules they have set in place\u00a0<\/p>\n
They were very open with each other about their sexual preferences from the beginning.\u00a0<\/p>\n
The couple’s boundaries include not kissing strangers, not sleeping with close friends, always using protection, and making sure that no emotional attachments are being made during sex.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Although she knows of other polyamorous partners who have emotional relationships outside of their main one, the couple agreed that wouldn’t be for them.\u00a0<\/p>\n
The topic of polygamy may still be taboo, however, Lori believes that in 10 years time it won’t be.<\/p>\n