.<\/strong><\/p>\nThis week, Sarah Colville-Clarke, 29 and based in Bedford, shares her story of returning to work six weeks after the birth of her son, Noah, who is now three, after she received an offer she couldn\u2019t refuse. <\/p>\n
Sarah will be returning two weeks after the birth of her second child in October, as her husband takes full responsibility of child-rearing.<\/p>\n
Sarah, a trading manager in fashion, accessories and jewellery, says she and husband Dominic, 29, chose to flip the script on so-called traditional gender roles in their household.<\/p>\n
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<\/p>\n
When a company headhunted her while she was eight months pregnant with a lucrative offer, she immediately accepted to support her growing brood.<\/p>\n
\u2018I gave a start date as if I had a three-month notice period, leaving just under six weeks for me to be at home with our baby,\u2019 she shares.<\/p>\n
\u2018I\u2019m the breadwinner financially, but previously I was working for an awful company,\u2019 she says. \u2018When I got the job offer from another company, we realised we couldn\u2019t afford to turn such an opportunity down.\u2019<\/p>\n
Her husband immediately stepped up to become the primary caregiver of their child. But it wasn\u2019t all plain sailing.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u2018Because it was Covid I worked in a small outbuilding we had built in the garden and pumped when I could,\u2019 says Sarah.<\/p>\n
\u2018Although this really only lasted a few weeks, it was absolutely draining at the time. Dom really connected with our little man through the feeds. which was great to watch, but it was a pretty difficult experience. There was definitely an element of wishing I could do it instead.\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018I don\u2019t regret it for one minute, but it made it really hard to connect with Noah in those early months, and probably the first year of his life. It was equal measures of the best and worst thing I did.\u2019<\/p>\n
Though she\u2019s planning an even shorter maternity leave this time around, Sarah says there were downsides to having just six weeks off. <\/p>\n
\u2018It opened up a whole host of other issues, the guilt of leaving my son, the guilt of leaving my husband, the expectations of those around me and the judgement I sometimes felt,\u2019 she shares.<\/p>\n
\u2018While this was mostly from people who I didn\u2019t know very well, or didn\u2019t know me, it really affected me.\u2019<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
But Sarah, who experienced post natal depression after birth, says getting back to her working routine really helped her.<\/p>\n
\u2018Getting back to work early really helped boost my mental health and get me back on track,\u2019 she says. <\/p>\n
When her daughter is born in October, she\u2019ll be back to work in two weeks.<\/p>\n
\u2018This time it\u2019s purely financial as the world we live in for our family means that we can\u2019t afford for me to take as much time as I\u2019d like with baby,\u2019 she says.<\/p>\n
\u2018Having done it before, whilst difficult, it ultimately ended up saving me mentally, and my husband is completely on board.\u2019<\/p>\n
How will it work practically? Sarah says she doesn\u2019t have all the answers yet and is keen to keep things flexible, but she largely works from home and plans to feed her newborn on breaks while Dominic manages the rest of the care throughout the day.<\/p>\n
On days she needs to go to the office, she\u2019ll pump like she did with Noah. She hopes to breastfeed for at least three months, but is open to a formula feed combination if needed. <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
In the UK, fewer than 10% of fathers opt for paternity leave lasting more than two weeks, with 40% of fathers choosing not to take any paternity leave at all. <\/p>\n
In contrast, approximately 70% of women take a complete nine months of leave, highlighting the prevailing trend where women continue to hold the majority of leave and caregiving responsibilities.<\/p>\n
For Sarah, the decision to take the new job after Noah was born was driven by a sense of equality and the desire for both parents to be equally involved in their children\u2019s upbringing.<\/p>\n
\u2018When we told people I think it was a bit of a shock to them. The most common reaction I had was sympathy and the expectation that I was either heartbroken by my decision or forced into it against my will,\u2019 she explains.<\/p>\n
\u2018Of course, I was sad and upset to not spend as much time with my baby but it was our choice as a family.<\/p>\n
\u2018Before meeting my husband 10 years ago I always felt there was an expectation on me to be able to do everything, to be everything a \u2018woman\u2019 should be, and feel completely content in it. I thought I was going to have a career up to a point, and then give it all up to have a child.\u2019<\/p>\n
Since then her husband has taken on most of the domestic load and child-rearing while Sarah works full-time for the household income.<\/p>\n
\u2018A pretty standard day-to-day in the Colville-Clarke household means I\u2019ll get up with our toddler, get him ready for nursery and drop him off as I currently do,\u2019 she explains.<\/p>\n
\u2018When my daughter is born, hopefully, I can take her with me on the nursery run too to give my husband time to get showered, dressed and have a little peace and quiet before the chaos starts.<\/p>\n
\u2018He tends to take on the majority of the household duties with the children. I\u2019ll cook dinner and get lunches prepared and he\u2019ll do the general household bits during the day.<\/p>\n
\u2018As our families live far away in North Wales and Kent, support for childcare is minimal, so he\u2019s the main caregiver.\u2019<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Sarah points out that societal expectations often place women in the role of primary caregivers, and this traditional setup is sometimes exacerbated by the gender pay gap and male-dominated job sectors.<\/p>\n
\u2018With the cost of living, that has to be a consideration,\u2019 she says. \u2018From experience, whilst I feel we\u2019re moving in the right direction, I\u2019ve also found that men tend to feel emasculated if they\u2019re seen to be taking on the \u2018mother\u2019 role \u2013 and I don\u2019t always think this is intentional.\u2019<\/p>\n
Although none of their friends have directly followed suit, Sarah has observed similar role reversals among acquaintances in other professions.<\/p>\n
\u2018I think there\u2019s a massive space for men to be sharing the load more, although I think a lot are already trying to do better,\u2019 she says.<\/p>\n
\u2018Our male friends and colleagues tend to be pretty good at taking on their share of the load and some actually end up being cleaner and tidier than a lot of the women I know!\u2019<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
While society is shifting, Sarah believes if women find they want their partners to do more, the key is to start having those conversations, pronto.<\/p>\n
\u2018Men, at least of my age, don\u2019t always understand these things if they\u2019re not told \u2013 they haven\u2019t experienced it themselves,\u2019 she says.<\/p>\n
\u2018If your partner isn\u2019t getting involved, in my opinion, you have to talk it through. I know it\u2019s clich\u00e9, but how can they change, if they\u2019re unaware?\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018I\u2019ve learnt from previous relationships that you can\u2019t \u2018change\u2019 people and you shouldn\u2019t want to but you can help them see things from your perspective. Arguing, manipulation and passive-aggressiveness get you nowhere!\u2019<\/p>\n
Source: Read Full Article<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Welcome back to\u00a0How I Parent, where we get a glimpse into how the nation is raising their\u00a0kids. This week, Sarah…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n
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<\/p>\n