{"id":129393,"date":"2023-09-03T20:07:10","date_gmt":"2023-09-03T20:07:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bluemull.com\/?p=129393"},"modified":"2023-09-03T20:07:10","modified_gmt":"2023-09-03T20:07:10","slug":"i-want-to-have-an-affair-so-i-dont-leave-my-sexless-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bluemull.com\/lifestyle\/i-want-to-have-an-affair-so-i-dont-leave-my-sexless-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"I want to have an AFFAIR so I don&apos;t leave my sexless marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"<h1>DEAR JANE: I want to have an AFFAIR so I don&#8217;t leave my sexless marriage<\/h1>\n<ul>\n<li><span>In this week&#8217;s agony aunt column, best-selling author Jane Green is asked to give advice to a woman whose husband has no interest in sex\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span>She also shares some wisdom with a woman who fears her 79-year-old father is being taken advantage of by a gold-digging girlfriend\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span>Do you have a question for Jane? Email dearjane@mailonline.com\u00a0or ask it below<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span>READ MORE: My friend&#8217;s sociopathic husband SPIES on her with cameras<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span>Dear Jane,<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>I have been married now for seven years and I love my husband very much. We have a very comfortable and happy relationship, however as our marriage has evolved, our sex life has dwindled and is virtually now non-existent.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>Initially this was not for lack of trying on my part, but my husband\u2019s libido seems to have totally vanished and in the end I just gave up.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>We\u2019ve spoken about it and he said that sex just isn\u2019t something he prioritizes anymore, which I understand.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>The thing is, sex is a big priority for me. I crave physical passion with another person and while I\u2019ve tried taking care of my own desires, it\u2019s just not cutting it anymore \u2013 and I feel like the only way I\u2019m going to be able to remain in my marriage is to find another person, or persons, to satisfy that urge.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/i.dailymail.co.uk\/1s\/2023\/09\/03\/12\/74980319-12468279-Dear_Jane_my_husband_is_no_longer_interested_in_sex_so_I_want_to-a-1_1693738833689.jpg\" height=\"570\" width=\"634\"><\/p>\n<p>Dear Jane, my husband is no longer interested in sex &#8211; so I want to have an affair in the hopes that it will save my marriage\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span>I\u2019ve started looking around on dating websites for people that might be interested in this kind of arrangement and I\u2019ve found dozens of suitable \u2018candidates\u2019 if you will\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>However my husband has always had very strict views about the importance of monogamy and I\u2019m not sure how to even begin talking to him about this.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>I know that it\u2019s the only way I can save my marriage \u2013 which I really want to do \u2013 but then bringing up my idea could destroy my relationship altogether.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>Any suggestions?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>From,<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>Sexless in Seattle<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Dear Sexless in Seattle,<\/p>\n<p>There are many kinds of marriages that work without a sexual life being a priority, but in order for that to happen, you both have to be on the same page, which you clearly are not.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/i.dailymail.co.uk\/1s\/2023\/09\/03\/12\/69851423-12468279-International_best_selling_author_Jane_Green_offers_sage_advice_-a-2_1693738835019.jpg\" height=\"487\" width=\"306\"><\/p>\n<p>International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers&#8217; most burning issues in her Dear Jane agony aunt column<\/p>\n<p>You say you love your husband very much and that your relationship is happy and comfortable, but the fact that you have this huge issue, and that you haven\u2019t been able to communicate properly about it, tells me that there are bigger problems at work here that need to be addressed.<\/p>\n<p>I can feel your pain and loneliness, and it occurs to me that your husband may very well be feeling the same loneliness, albeit for different reasons.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>A low libido can be caused by a myriad of factors, from hormone issues, to medical conditions, to low self-esteem and unresolved trauma. Either way, if you are to stay married, the two of you have to come together and deal with this as a unit.<\/p>\n<p>Ask him what he thinks might be going on for him with his lack of libido, whether he would be willing to see a doctor to check for underlying health issues, or indeed a therapist. If he brushes it off, you need to be clear on how this is impacting you, and that you have to find a solution together.<\/p>\n<p>Looking for sexual partners outside of the marriage, however, without your husband\u2019s knowledge or consent, is a sure-fire recipe for disaster.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>While for you it may simply feel like it is satisfying a physical urge, these kinds of secrets are the ultimate betrayal.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>However much you may try to explain that you are merely satisfying a physical urge, not discussing this option with him &#8211; and in fact going ahead without his agreement &#8211; is likely to blow this marriage up in ways that will be painful and irrevocable.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Consensual or ethical non-monogamy however, which is increasingly common in same-sex relationships, may be an option for the two of you. Should you go down this route, you would both need to agree, and clear boundaries would need to be established, preferably with the help of a therapist.<\/p>\n<p>Despite those options, it may be that the two of you come to a decision that this marriage will not work without a regular sex life.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Whatever decision you reach, it has to be reached together. I wish you luck.<\/p>\n<p><span>Dear Jane,<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>My father is 79 years old and widowed. However he recently met a \u2018friend\u2019 who I cannot stand. She\u2019s a cockroach.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>She doesn\u2019t pay for anything, makes him drive her everywhere \u2013 even when she\u2019s bar hopping \u2013 and always insists that he take her out to nice drinks and dinner, without ever offering to pick up the check.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>He\u2019s on a fixed income and I\u2019m worried that this is going to drain his finances completely.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>I\u2019ve shared my concerns with him but he refuses to stop seeing her. He always just asks why I don\u2019t want him to be happy \u2013 which isn\u2019t the case at all! I just don\u2019t understand why she can\u2019t pay for anything? Everything in their relationship is about what he can do for her rather than a healthy balance.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>Please tell me what else I can do here because I\u2019m starting to get really angry with him.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>From,<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>Daughter In Despair<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Dear Daughter In Despair,<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m glad your father has found someone to alleviate his loneliness, but I recognize how troubling this is for you, given his age.\u00a0<\/p>\n<h3>Dear Jane&#8217;s Sunday Service\u00a0<\/h3>\n<p>Sex is not the be-all and end-all of a relationship, but communication is.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Relationships fall apart not because of a lack of sex, although that can be a contributing factor, but because that lack of intimacy is often a signifier of something much bigger.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Communicating openly, and having a willingness to work together to find a path that works for all concerned, is the path to contentment.<\/p>\n<p>It is so easy for the elderly to be taken advantage of, particularly when loneliness is factored into this mix.<\/p>\n<p>You don\u2019t say whether you have spent time with this woman, only that you are aware she doesn\u2019t pay for anything.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>My first piece of advice is to get to know her, which I suspect will help with a more circumspect view of the situation.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Your 79-year-old father is being courtly, paying for drinks and dinner just as he probably did with your mother when they were young.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Right now, this doesn\u2019t seem unduly worrying, but I understand you wanting to prevent him being taken advantage of.<\/p>\n<p>Sit your father down and explain first that you are delighted he has found a companion, someone who enjoys his company.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Perhaps you are being over-protective, but want to ensure he is living within his means. Ask if you can go over his income and expenses, and sign him up for online banking so you can keep tabs.<\/p>\n<p>I would also suggest going to see an Elder Care Attorney.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Setting up a living trust is one way of ensuring that no-one else can get their hands on his money, but an attorney can advise on the best way of ensuring your father is not persuaded to spend all his money on a woman who may or may not be taking advantage.<\/p>\n<p>Source: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.dailymail.co.uk\/femail\/article-12468279\/DEAR-JANE-want-AFFAIR-dont-leave-sexless-marriage.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Read Full Article<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>DEAR JANE: I want to have an AFFAIR so I don&#8217;t leave my sexless marriage In this week&#8217;s agony aunt&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.8 - 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