‘My man was a booze and sex addicted porn star – I hope it won’t affect us’

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My new boyfriend recently confessed he suffered from booze and sex addiction in the past.

As a younger man he went off the rails after the sudden death of his father.

Things weren’t helped when his mother immediately married his dad’s best friend (a man she’d secretly been having an affair with for years and who hated my boyfriend).

My guy turned to booze for a crutch. By the age of 20 he was drinking vodka and rum every day. When a flatmate suggested he could earn easy money as a male model, he jumped at it.

One thing led to another and he was soon making big bucks doing nude and porn shoots.

He even worked as a gigolo for a while. The more sex he had with rich, desperate widows, the more he craved.

Things came crashing down in Florida when he heard a client talking about him like a piece of trash. He fled home and an uncle paid for him to go into rehab.

But that, apparently, was just the start of the journey. Between then (around 2008) and 2018 he was in and out of various institutions and clinics for drink and sex-related problems.

But he absolutely swears he’s clean and sober now and that I can trust him 100%. He no longer craves alcohol or risky sex with strangers. Can I believe him?

This news has come like a bolt out of the blue. He seems so n­ormal. I had no idea that he has such a colourful past.

Does he now view me as the boring girlfriend – the one who is going to tame and save him?

He swears I’m gorgeous and just right for him at this time of his life. But am I?

JANE SAYS:

You’re worried that you’re about to be used.

Instead of being flattered by your boyfriend, you’re looking at him in a whole new light. Far from being a regular Joe, he’s a man with a back story that would make an ageing rock star blush.

From heavy drinking and nude shoots to rich lovers and a sprinkling of porn, he’s lived 10 lives to your one.

Everyone deserves a second chance, but 2018 wasn’t that long ago.

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It’s marvellous that he now feels clean and confident, but it’s really not your job to protect and nurture him.

Level with him. Explain that you’re willing to give this relationship a chance in the short-term. Agree to take things very slowly and don’t be afraid to move on if you feel he’s losing control or going back to his old friends and old ways.

It would be wonderful if this man could successfully turn his life around and reject bad influences, but you need to keep a very open mind.

You are an important and valid person in your own right. What about his sexual, mental and general health?

Insist that he takes a full sex test before you even think about sleeping with him again.

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