I've had nine years of great sex with my toyboy but now he wants commitment
DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner is 23 years younger than me.
We’ve had nine years of love and the best-ever sex, but he says it’s make or break time now.
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He wants a commitment from me and for us to be sharing a home.
I’m 58 and divorced with three sons who are all in their 30s with lives of their own. He is 35 and has never been married before.
We met in a bar in a Spanish resort and found out we lived about ten miles apart at home.
It was one of those holiday flings that just bucked all the odds and has lasted nearly ten years.
We both knew from the start we were at different stages in life.
I’ve got three beautiful grandchildren and one more on the way which I’m excited about, while he’s never had children and doesn’t seem bothered about that at all.
Despite the huge age gap, we have a wonderful relationship that just worked from the start.
We enjoy all the time we spend together, whether it’s seeing a film, digging the garden or going for walks holding hands.
We make each other laugh all the time and never run out of things to say.
And did I mention our sex life is great?
We’ve been seeing each other three or four times a week which is perfect for me and I thought that it suited him too.
Now he says that he loves me and wants to be with me forever. He wants us to marry and settle down as a couple.
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I love him too but my problem is that I can’t see a 23-year age gap lasting the course. I also know that my sons would not accept us setting up house together.
I’m very happy with what we’ve got now but he says he needs more or he’ll call it a day. I don’t know what to say and I don’t understand why he’s being like this.
DEIDRE SAYS: It seems clear to me. He loves you and wants to be with you. Your ten years together have already shown you that age gaps can work.
It’s all sounding good, so what’s putting you off? Is it only your sons? I’m guessing you like your own space and your own independence as well as a good, loving man but it seems that you can’t have it all.
Are you worried that he may get bored and move on or perhaps he’ll want children one day? Sadly, in life there are no guarantees.
Talk to your sons about what their objections may be. If they’re putting thoughts of their inheritance above your happiness, then make sure you follow your instincts not theirs.
You’ve got some hard thinking to do but just be aware that, lovely as grandchildren are, you may find they’re not nearly enough. You still have your own life to live.
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