I've been having amazing sex with my boss but now I've developed feelings for her
DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE been sleeping with my boss for the last six months. We always agreed it was just sex, but now I’ve developed romantic feelings for her.
I’m a 23-year-old girl and my boss is 39. She has a little boy aged eight and is currently separating from her husband after nine years.
She hired me last summer and we hit it off straight away. I wasn’t in a relationship and although she was married, it was obvious things weren’t good at home.
As she got to know me she started confiding in me more and more. We would often meet up after work for a drink.
She told me she was missing the closeness of a physical relationship and asked me how I was coping being single. It was a bit of a personal question but I admitted that I missed sex, too.
She then suggested we could have a no-strings relationship, just about the sex with no feelings involved. I was hesitant at first but then thought, “Why not?”. I was attracted to her physically and she obviously felt the same about me.
We started meeting up for sex regularly, mostly at my place as her husband was still living with her at the time. Then coronavirus struck and she couldn’t come round to my place any more.
We do a lot of work from home now but we stay in touch regularly and have managed to meet up in our office a few times for sex as we are key workers.
She is separating from her husband as soon as possible and my feelings for her are growing stronger by the day.
I really want to tell her how I feel but I don’t want to say anything that might risk our friendship after all this.
I am so confused about how to approach this without putting her off as she was the one who said it was just to be sex and nothing more.
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DEIDRE SAYS: A common problem with sex-only relationships is that they often end up becoming something more for one or both of you.
She is coming out of a marriage and may not be emotionally ready to jump straight into another serious relationship, and she would probably think that would be stressful for her little boy, too.
You are at different life stages and secret sex is very different from day-to-day life together and the responsibilities that come with it.
It is going to be hard to disguise your feelings so be honest with her, but she must know that an open relationship with you could put her job and your prospects in the company at risk, so be prepared for rejection.
If she insists it is still no-strings sex, best stop the affair as you will only feel more and more hurt and used.
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