CRAIG BROWN: How Donald Trump's ex-aide made my Father's Day
CRAIG BROWN: How Donald Trump’s ex-aide made my Father’s Day
On Father’s Day, an email pinged into my inbox, containing a video message from an unexpected figure.
‘Hey Craig Brown, it’s Michael Cohen here! Yup, Michael Cohen — me — former Personal Attorney and Fixer to now thank-God-out-of-office and hopefully soon-to be-incarcerated, former Idiot-in-Chief Donald J. Trump.’
I had last set eyes on Michael Cohen back in 2018, when he was sentenced to three years in prison and ordered to pay nearly $2 million in fines, forfeitures and restitution for what the judge called ‘a veritable smorgasbord of fraudulent conduct’.
He later wrote a memoir, Disloyal, in which he pithily described Trump as ‘a cheat, a mobster, a liar, a fraud, a bully, a racist, a predator, a conman’.
Happily, his Father’s Day message to me was much more chummy. He delivered it in his characteristic rapid-fire, New-York way, but punctuated with welcome smiles.
‘So, Craig, I was asked to do this cameo by your son Silas who turns around and says that on behalf of both of us, we both want to wish you a very happy and a very healthy Father’s Day . . . just know that whatever you wish for yourself this year, that Silas and I, we wish you double.
On Father’s Day, an email pinged into my inbox, containing a video message from an unexpected figure. ‘Hey Craig Brown, it’s Michael Cohen here! Yup, Michael Cohen — me — former Personal Attorney and Fixer to now thank-God-out-of-office and hopefully soon-to be-incarcerated, former Idiot-in-Chief Donald J. Trump.’ Pictured: Cohen (right) with Trump (left) on a campaign stop in Ohio in September 2016
‘So, Silas also wants me to say this is a message from your favourite son, Silas, as well as your favourite lawyer, me. So that message is Happy Father’s Day.
‘Silas says you’re an OK dad. I think he’s wrong. I think you’re an exceptional father, I’m certain that that’s true and there are many things that I know — look, I was able to predict that Trump wasn’t going to win the election, and that if he in fact lost the election there would never be a peaceful transfer of power.
‘I actually said that over two years ago. Did anyone listen to me? No! Should they have? Yes! Is Silas now going to listen to me? Yes, your father’s a great man who deserves all the love that comes with Father’s Day!’
Cohen went on in this vein for three or four minutes, before ending with a few words about fatherhood.
‘How many times does your kid turn around and tell you, ‘You’ve no idea what you’re talking about!’, only dozens of years later to say to you, ‘I probably should have listened to you’? In my case I should have listened to my father, I should have listened to my mother, I should have listened to my wife, my daughter, my son, not to go to work for Donald.
‘Did I? No. Did I end up suffering the penalty? Yes. So Silas, listen to your father. Craig, I want to wish you again on behalf of Silas and myself a happy and healthy Father’s Day.’
Michael Cohen may have given the impression of being an old family friend, but none of us has ever met him: Silas had simply paid him £75 to deliver this greetings video. Cohen is just one of thousands of celebrities available for hire via a website called Cameo.
Cameo operates a sliding scale of fees for brief messages, presumably based on demand. Other former Trump associates on offer include Stormy Daniels (£187.50), Sean Spicer (£149.25), Roger Stone (£75) and Anthony Scaramucci (£41.25). A message from Donald Trump Jr will set you back £375, compared with which the former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin is a bargain at £149.25.
Cohen is just one of thousands of celebrities available for hire via a website called Cameo
Among the pricier celebrities available are Engelbert Humperdinck and Carole Baskin from Netflix show Tiger King, both at £224.25.
Punters with less to spend will have to choose between Lawrence Llewelyn-Bowen (£60), Carmit from Pussycat Dolls (£56.25) and Paul Chuckle from the Chuckle Brothers (£36.75).
Though there are over 300 drag queens on offer, British politicians are thin on the ground — and decidedly bin-end.
Nigel Farage (£75) introduces himself as ‘Mr Brexit. Some people say I am controversial, and I couldn’t care less’.
In his own introductory video, former Commons Speaker John Bercow (£82.50) plays an end-of-the-pier, or perhaps end-of-the-peer, version of himself, bellowing, ‘Order! Order! I’m John Bercow!’ and offering to ‘bring order to a party’ by stopping ‘unseemly conduct, ranting, barracking, heckling, chuntering . . . I’m giving a ruling, and that’s the end of it! Order! Order!’
But there are still bargains to be had. For next Father’s Day, I intend to drop heavy hints for a greeting from Basil Brush — a tad cheaper than Michael Cohen at £72.75.
Source: Read Full Article