Amazing secret sex with an old flame has made me question my current relationship – The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE: I AM having amazing secret sex with an old flame.

I don’t know whether to stay with my girlfriend or try to rekindle things with my ex.

I’m 37 and my girlfriend is 36.

We have been together for almost 10 years and have a daughter aged five.

My girlfriend has two boys from a previous relationship.

They are nine and seven.

I try to look after them as if they were my own but for a while now I don’t feel the love with her or her boys any more.

We have a very busy life as we both work full-time and look after the kids and the home.

I think I am falling in love with my old flame.

We met up at a mutual friend’s wedding at the end of last year.

She is 34 and looked amazing, as she always did.

We spent most of the night catching up.

My girlfriend didn’t seem to notice as she was chatting with her group of mates.

I swapped mobile numbers with my ex and we arranged to meet up a week later.

We went to a town 10 miles from where we both live for a drink, but then we went out to the car park for some privacy and ended up having sex in my car.

It was out of this world.

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We have been meeting at least a couple of times a week, usually at her flat.

I even saw her during lockdown.

Every time I can’t keep my hands off her.

I know it’s wrong.

I have been trying hard to avoid her and try to put all my time and effort into my girlfriend and the kids, but I’m finding it hard to do.

I don’t know whether to stay and get treated like an under-valued member of “the team” or leave and try to rekindle things with the old flame.

I get on so well with her plus the sex is so passionate, whereas it isn’t so great with my girlfriend any longer.


NEARLY three-quarters of women feel pain during sex at some point in their life. For some, it is so intense it prevents intercourse.

My e-leaflet Self-Help For Painful Sex explains common causes, and where to find expert treatment. Email me for a copy or private-message me via my Facebook page.

DEIDRE SAYS: I understand the pull of the passion but how much of that is because your lover represents pre-child freedom?

If you get together with her, though, she will have to share you with an unhappy little girl whose home and family have been torn apart.

And what went wrong between you and your ex before?

That won’t have resolved itself.

You can’t stop yourself wanting sex with your ex at the moment – but you don’t have to give in to temptation.

Tell your ex you need space to see if you can make your relationship work.

If there’s anything meaningful bet­ween you she will understand.

Tell your girlfriend you both need to work on refreshing your relationship.

With three young children to care for there’s not much couple time free but make the time you can carve out special.

My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex will help.

NEXT IN TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE My sex life with my partner has died since having kids and I fear we'll never get it back

READ DEIDRE'S PHOTO CASEBOOK John hopes Heidi won't reveal their affair at the Millennium party

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